angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
And I still do not have much to say. Or rather, I'm not as comfortable as I was posting things online. Also, I haven't had internet for a while.

Harpy had triple by-pass surgery yesterday. I didn't have any bad vibes about it. I don't know if that's my instincts being right, or if I lack compassion and don't care. The fact that I still call her Harpy when she's going through this is something to think about. I guess I love her, but she certainly makes it difficult. She's doing fine, she's a hearty dame.

I got a library card. I used to say "I can't read a book if I don't own it", but I'm buried in the books I do own. I don't think I'll ever be able to make the switch to tablet reading though.

Right now I'm reading "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" (1940) by Carson McCullers. It's depressing, but good.

Nothing

Mar. 15th, 2010 04:32 pm
angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
Dog was sprayed in the face by a skunk. I'm getting a nice amount of money back from EI. I listened to the song I mentioned in the post below, was kind of disappointed, the lyrics are still fun though. Nothing much. At least nothing that I want to type here.

We're going to go see The Crazies tonight, sounds better than I had expected. Want to see the original. The title sounds so perfect for a seventies horror movie.
angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
A fortune cookie had the audacity to tell me I would not have to worry about my future! Fuck you fortune cookie!

Seven days?

Feb. 8th, 2010 08:32 pm
angelicmobster8: a well manicured hand with a large ring tightening a lace on the green shoe (Shoe)
Well, no one gave me any notice, but the internship people came to town and we had a little meeting. Turns out my internship may end 2 days earlier than I thought. Not sure how that makes me feel. I will not be training another intern, which is fine, but I've been freaking out about it for a while.

Not sure how I feel about all of this.

Conundrum

Jan. 29th, 2010 10:16 am
angelicmobster8: a heart shaped candy saying a.m. inc. (Ghost)
Next week, I will have 15 work days left of my internship. They have not found an new intern, so my stay here may be extended. I would of course say yes, but decided to make a pro/con list anyway. Well, it’s actually a pro/pro list, since I don’t really make pro/con lists and messed up on it.

Pros of Staying:
1. More money
2. More experience
3. Feeling of security, I don’t have to go job hunting
4. More time away from Cockroach, as she works afternoons. So right now, for the most part I only see her on the weekends.
5. Magazines and office supplies, I’ll let you decide what that means
6. Makes me feel useful, I am less likely to try and hurt myself if I have responsibilities, though see #8 in below list
7. Could lead to other employment opportunities, the intern before last stayed as a receptionist for a few months and now works in another district
8. Gives my life structure, I sometimes get freaked out if I do not have a plan
9. Get to read more Daily Lit

Pros of Leaving:
1. Less crying, hopefully
2. More time to get things done, I keep putting things off until the weekend, and then I never do them
3. No more monthly appraisals or doing other things that being in intern entails. If this were a normal job, no one would give a shit that I don’t eat my lunch in the lunchroom.
4. Sleep in and stay up later, at least until I get another job or start school. I don’t really sleep in much anyway. Usually never past 8:15
5. Eat better, I think I’ve lost weight since I’ve been here as I’ve been crying in the mornings and can never get a decent breakfast in or forget to make some kind of lunch
6. Less sitting at desk doing nothing, see #9 in above list
7. Less time having to take the bus, walk (added to that, less time coming in contact with creepy dudes) or bother Drunkard for a ride, which means saving money also. Until I find another job or start school.
8. Some people here make me feel utterly useless
9. Can get away from fluorescent lighting, at least until I find another job or start school

When I wrote these down, the “Pros of Leaving” list was much larger, but I omitted a few for being either stupid or pathetic. I am totally messed up with this. I don’t want them to find another intern because I want more money, but then I hope they do because I am not at all happy with many things.
angelicmobster8: a heart shaped candy saying a.m. inc. (Eye)
Ugh.

Yesterday started out nice, but then I did something stupid which led to me being locked outside of my house for a half an hour in my cold wet yard in my slippers. Would have been okay if I could have remembered certain phone numbers and not have looks like such an idiot at the corner store. A woman helped me break into my own house, it was bad how easy it was.

Used to get locked out of the house all of the time when I was little. Because I'd come home from school and didn't have my own keys. Can't ever remember it happening in the winter. Although at least when I got locked out when I was little, I had proper shoes and clothes and something to occupy my time with. Ugh.

When I got in I started crying because I was scared someone had seen and got the idea in their head that they should break in one day and kill me (etc).

Then this morning I started crying because my alarm clock went off 15 minutes early. Or something, I was quite distraught.

Sometimes I think I might be bi-polar, but I'm not sure if these outbursts are severe enough. Maybe it's just because I'm nearing the end of this internship.
angelicmobster8: a heart shaped candy saying a.m. inc. (Johnny Christ)
I am not too fond of getting blamed for things here, and at home. Sometimes when it happens here, I start thinking "Holy crap, maybe I did do it."

Watched an Orson Welles movie called "The Trial". There's a part where Anthony Perkins is telling someone about how when he was in school, when the teacher was pissed off about something and was looking for the guilty party, he started believing it was him. Or something, I am horrible at explaining things.

Anyway, it's a weird movie and you should see it if you like weird like me. A lot of movies from the 60's were weird because they were getting more experimental and didn't have to censor as much. Also I think the writers and directors were all trying out drugs.

Off topic. I think I have a complex. There must be a name for it.

Ugh X 1000

Jan. 6th, 2010 03:13 pm
angelicmobster8: a heart shaped candy saying a.m. inc. (Eye)
Even though I have actually cried at this place, I don't want to leave. Because I'm making good money, and I don't feel like looking for another job. Ugh. I hope they don't find another intern.

The intern before me came in today. I hope they don't expect me to visit after I am finished. I'll bring doughnuts the Monday after, but that's where I draw the line. I don't want to come in if they aren't payin' me!
angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
36 more work days left until my internship. Unless they have trouble finding another intern. Part of me wants to stay because I'll get more money and wont have to find another job. Part of me can't wait until it's over because I feel like shit stuck to a wheel of a car. Or something.

It is also my birthday today. Nineteen. Bleh.

I am SO glad that this decade is finally over. Usually I don't care about New Years, but I hate this decade! 2000 is when things started getting crappy for me. Well, most of the things could have been prevented by me, but I'm blaming the decade.
angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
70 more days left of this internship. It's nice to be making money, but ugh. It the world does end in 2012, it wont be so bad, as I only have the next two years planned out. I have no idea what I'll do afterwards.

Boo!

Oct. 26th, 2009 10:43 am
angelicmobster8: a heart shaped candy saying a.m. inc. (Schmee)
Halloween is coming up, here are some horror movies I want to see, in no order:

1. Suspiria (1977) - I also want to see Dario Argentos other movies.

2. Hills Have Eyes, The (1977) - I didn’t like the remake, but I heard the original was very good.

3. Halloween (1978) - They never show this on tv, only the sequels and remakes, what is up with that?

4. Hitcher, The (1986)

5. Les Diaboliques (1955)

6. Faust (1926)

Since Friday, I have felt like shit because I did something so stupid. There are about 79 days left of this internship, I can't wait.
angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
Haven't been posting much lately. Ever since I started here, I never feel like doing anything. I don't even fold my clothes anymore. So tired. Every week I keep saying to myself: I'm going to get shit done this weekend! It rarely happens.

Intern

Aug. 18th, 2009 07:53 pm
angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
Started my internship yesterday. Not much I feel like saying, a lot of bad things have been happening lately (in my life in general).

Um... my cubicle is actually a hexagon with two sides missing...

Aug 15

Aug. 15th, 2009 10:14 am
angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
I got 93.5% on my exam, and I start the internship on Monday. I'm still not even 100% sure on what I'm supposed to do, but I'll be paid for doing it, and that's all that matters. Other than that, nothing has been happening.
angelicmobster8: a heart shaped candy saying a.m. inc. (Eye)
I might not get the internship because I class is taking too long and they wont wait, even though the cunt encouraged me to take the class when I could have easily rescheduled it. Earlier today I was blaming myself and on the verge of tears, now I've moved on to blaming other people.
angelicmobster8: a well manicured hand with a large ring tightening a lace on the green shoe (Shoe)
Before I went into the hospital, I stepped on a peice of glass. I don't think the doctors at the hospital paid much attention to my foot, because I think there might be a fragment left in there. Last night there was a sharp pain in my foot. I don't care so much about the pain, but it seems like the world keeps trying to remind me of a big mistake that I made.
angelicmobster8: a well manicured hand with a large ring tightening a lace on the green shoe (Shoe)
It's 12:25, blah blah blah. Waiting for my class to start. I walked here, it's not too bad outside.

June 2-9

Jul. 10th, 2009 02:39 pm
angelicmobster8: a heart shaped candy saying a.m. inc. (Ghost)
Okay, so I think I'm ready to talk about the hospital. Or at least how it was like, though I'm omitting some parts about how paranoid I was. Not what happened before I went in.

This lady put sticky things on me, it hurt when I pulled them off, and they left marks that were hard to wash off. I was in a ward where the beds were separated by curtains. I heard a lady in the next bed get an enima, it smelled. I was too drowsy to be freaked out though. There was a bandage on my foot where I had stepped on glass, and a bruise on my knee, don't know where it came from.

Then I went to another ward where my bed was in a room with a woman who I didn't see much of. I was too drowsy to do anything, and the nurses kept changing and asking me the same questions. My watch was set at the wrong time for a whole day, and I slept through dinner, and a nurse thought I had skipped it. The beds were so uncomfortable, I didn't want mom to bring me an extra pillow like other patients had their families do. In the second room, the light over my bed creaked a lot. It freaked me out, but if it fell on my head I could have gotten money, so I didn't tell the nurses.

The first three days were blurry, because I was so drowsy. I wasn't allowed by clothes for three days, so I had to wear the clothes I came in (pajama pants, tank top, and robe), and also my sneakers which had blood in them. They let me have clean underwear and socks. There was a girl who was there longer than me, and had to wear a hospital gown and pants the whole time I was there.

The view from my window was of a roof, but it was peaceful and I liked it. It was also sunny. My roomate left, and I had the room to myself for a night. But they moved me into a room with another woman. The view was of Oulette, and reminded me of bus rides to school, so I didn't like it. I did see more of this roomate, she seemed like a bitch.

There were sessions I could have went to, but I missed most of them. I only went to two. Visiting hours on weekdays were 6-8 pm, and weekends were 1-6 pm. On the weekend I was allowed to go outside, but only for a half an hour at a time, and my mom and I had to go back up and sign in and out. But it was still nice to get out of that place. Weekends were horrible, because there weren't any sessions for me to waste time in, but at least there weren't many people in the ward.

I cried when I woke up in the hospital, and didn't cry again until the third day, the day I was supposed to leave. The doctor (who I now have to see once a month, and he seems like an asshole) told me he was keeping me there, so I cried a few hours later. I cried a few other times, because of paranoia, I won't say why. Then I cried again on the day before I left because I was happy.

I didn't really talk to anyone. A creepy guy talked to me a lot, so I avoided him. I talked to a women who was very nice, but I wont go into detail about her.

I was only there for a week, but it was still horrible. My mom came to pick me up at 10 am, and we rushed to pack my things as if I was escaping. In the hospital (I may have posted this before) it felt like a weight was on my chest, and it was hard to breathe because there wasn't real air. Not to mention the constant surprises coming from one woman, but out of respect, I won't say anymore on that subject. As soon as I got home, I took a proper shower and I washed the clothes and things that I had brought into that place.

A neighbour said "It's nice to see you awake", which means neighbours might have seen what happened. Which depressed me. No one else has said anything else though, which is good.
angelicmobster8: a heart shaped candy saying a.m. inc. (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]My sister. I wrote about her in my last post though. Then again, there are so many things I can say about her.

I ALWAYS forget at least one thing when I leave the house. Children and/or crackheads yelling their heads off outside. So on and so forth.

I can't really post on here anymore. I don't know why.

May 24

May. 24th, 2009 07:21 pm
angelicmobster8: black and white photo of katharine hepburn, text says i'm still here (Katharine Hepburn)
Didn't have to go to Harpy's today. Yay. Though she has a nice view from her new apartment.

Ugh. Cockroach seems to like bragging about her apparently fucked up ovaries. Every chance she gets "Because of my ________ ovaries, I've got this!" I just don't care about anything when it comes to her. She never stops talking. I have had fits from trying to keep her voice out of my head. I have actually looked thoughtfully at a steel baseball bat.

It's passed down from Harpy and Beast, who love competeting over who has it worse. Mar too, sometimes. Like there is some "Worst Body & Spirit Award". I don't care if I should be more sympathetic, I just can not stand her voice. I sometimes cover my ears with my hands, which doesn't work. Her voice cuts through things as if they were butter. Room temperature.

I have never felt so many violent thoughts towards just one person in my life. And now, she might be stalking some guy. Great. I hope the police don't come to our house one night because she's a murder suspect. We don't live in the best neighbourhood, but it's rare that cops actually stop here. I think.

Anyway, of course it's not just the ovaries. It's this guy she's stalking, and a bunch of other stuff she rants and raves non-stop about. I hate this sister of mine. She has made me cry, and scream. I don't swear outside of my head unless she's arguing with me. Just being in the same room with her makes me feel uncomfortable. In grade 11 I think, I got into the habit of taking sleeping pills, so I wouldn't bee up half the night listening to her talk to herself. I don't do that anymore though.

There are so many things that I can't put into words, or are probably too personal to put on here.

I don't know. I didn't mean for this to be a serious post. I was going to stop after the "Worst Body & Spirit Award".

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